Jerry Sandusky learned his fate when a judge ordered him to serve 30 to 60 years behind bars – a likely life sentence. But according to Satan, it’s the afterlife he should be most worried about.
1. Force him to have sex with women his own age.
2. Provide weekly pedicures for Hitler.
3. Must sit next to Saddam at every Thanksgiving.
4. Must share a room with Joe Paterno.
5. Provide daily beard groomings for Osama.
6. Absolutely no showers. Ever.
7. Must watch the new Mathhew Perry sitcom at least five times each day.
8. Will not be included on rare Snow Cone Day.
9. Must attend “poker night” with corrupt Catholic Priests.
10. Forbidden from taking part in any water sports on the lake of fire.
11. Must figure out how to stop Linkedin from sending emails.
12. Provided with health insurance, but absolutely no dental.