Romney’s Son Comes Out of Closet

Romney’s Son Comes Out of Closet

Today, as people lined up at their local polls to cast their vote, one boisterous voter seemed to stand out amongst the crowd.

A thick-browed citizen donning an American flag half shirt and Daisy Dukes began screaming, “I’ve been quiet too long! My name is Surprise and I’m Mitt Romney‘s lost son!”

When approached for comment, he refused to talk to anyone except Anderson Cooper. Once the silver fox showed up, the two made out for a while before jumping into the exclusive interview.

When asked where he had been all these years, Surprise sipped his apple martini and explained, “Dad’s been paying me to keep my sassy little trap shut for years. I’ve been living in a loft on Fire Island with my boyfriend Chase and our Pomeranian, Sprinkle-Nuts!”

When asked what changes he would make to his father’s campaign, Surprise nearly leapt out of his bedazzled Keds with numerous suggestions.

“Oh, gurrrl, where do I start?! I’d have Adam Lambert sing the campaign song. I’d have binders full of MEN. And I definitely would’ve spent more time with Paul Ryan.” Surprise fanned himself, adding, “have you seen his delts? Oooh, child.”

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