This summer’s most beautiful moment in movies was seeing Kate’s boobies all over again in the 3D re-release of ‘Titanic.’ But not every movie has Kate’s boobies, or should be re-released in 3D.
1. Schindler’s List
Poland. WWII. Nazis. Genocide is never fun, not even in the third dimension.
2. Citizen Kane
The symbolism of a boy’s relationship with his sled is not going to be any more compelling in 3D.
3. Annie Hall
What’s worse than a neurotic Jew rambling, a neurotic Jew rambling right in your face.
4. Brokeback Mountain
The hills are alive, with the sound of Jake and Heath boning. Movie night with the fam just got awkward in more than one dimension.
5. The King’s Speech
St-st-stuttering isn’t even f-fun in 2D.
They say the camera adds 10 lbs, so that means a 3D camera add 20. And everybody knows that Ghandi is supposed to be skinny.
Why pay for Norbit in 3D, when you can go to Sizzler for free and see the same thing.
Duck before you get roundhouse mushroom stamped.
9. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
The only thing worst than British teeth, is British teeth in 3D.
10. John Carter