Do you know what Jesus was famous for besides dying? Drinking. This blessed booze-hound used God magic to turn water into wine. Think about that. If Jesus was around today, your Real Housewives of wherever marathon could last for days. Days, Yolanda!
So, in honor of J.C.’s Bday, we at the Leek humbly present to you, ChristSmashed, the Christmas drinking game.
-Lots o’ Beer
-44 Solo cups
-3 Ping Pong balls
The Set up:
ChristSmashed is a holiday remix of 3D beer pong. There are 2 teams. Each team has 3 players.
On the base level, set up 10 cups in traditional beer pong fashion.
On top of that, place 6 cups.
On the next level, 3 cups.
And on the upper most level, one cup. This final cup is the shining star atop your Christmas tree of Solo cups.
Place a cup in front and to the left of each tree. This is your avalanche cup.
Make sure it always has beer in it. All will be explained in due time, children.
Fill 2 random cups of your choosing with eggnog. Don’t let the other team know which cups have eggnog. These will be little surprises at the bottom of your Christmas tree. Fill all remaining cups, (including the avalanche cups) up to the bottom most line, with beer.
How to Play:
1. All players on a team take a turn shooting the ball at the opposing team’s tree. If a cup is hit, do not remove that specific cup. Always remove cups from the highest level and work your way down.
2. If you sink the star (the upper most cup) directly, all members of the other team must do a shot of a liquor of their choosing.
3. ChristSmashed, just like Santa, rewards good behavior. The first team to clear the 3rd level of cups, gets an extra cup pulled from the 2nd level of their opponents’ tree.
4. The first team to clear the 2nd level of cups gets an extra round of throws on the lowest level. These bonus throws must be used immediately after the team’s first turn on the bottom level.
5. If you airball 3 shots in a row, you become an indentured servant in the 2nd coldest place on earth. You’re an elf, bitch. Now you have to shoot from your knees until you make a shot. Only then can you rejoin the ranks of the tall.
6. And now we come to bouncing.
If a bounce lands in the first level of cups, remove the standard 2 cups.
If a bounce lands in the 2nd level, take away 3 cups.
3rd level, remove 4 cups.
And if, by some Christmas miracle, a bounce lands in the star cup, remove 5 cups.
*And, as always, you can’t win on a bounce.
7. If your entire team sinks all its shots in a given round, you get your balls back. Everyone shoots again. If an individual hits 3 cups in a row, he/she is on fire. Shoot until you miss. But remember you must call “Snow’s Melting” after you hit 2 cups in a row to be eligible for fire.
8. If the ball rolls back, shoot from your sack. Your sack of presents that is. What’s that? From your actual ball sack? Right. Of course. You get an extra shot from between your legs.
9. AVALANCHE! If a cup falls into another cup after being sunk, frosty chaos ensues. A player from each team must run over to their team’s avalanche cup and a game of flip cup begins.
If the shooting team wins the game of flip cup, pull an extra cup of that team’s choosing.
If the defending team wins flip cup, don’t pull the sunk cup.
* If an avalanche occurs without a cup being sunk, flip cup does not ensue. Don’t be a grinch, just fix the fallen cup.
10. Finally, winners stay on. Losers get coal. And a vicious public shaming. Because, making others feel bad for your own amusement is what the holidays are really about.
So throw on your ugliest sweater. Crank up the Jesus tunes. And play ChristSmashed, the game that’s sure to make your family’s holiday gathering a little more bearable this year.