Just in case you forgot, this is happening on Friday. As the Mayans predicted, Roland Emmerich’s wet dream, a.k.a. the total and complete destruction of the earth as we know it, is taking place December 21st.
When the end times come, and come they will, we will all be plunged into a post-apocalyptic wasteland full of pestilence, famine, and ravenous packs of nomadic marauders. So stockpile some gasoline, load up on weapons, and welcome to another edition of DRINKING GAME FRIDAY!
We at the Leek present to you the last drinking game you’ll ever play, SLAPocalypse. And don’t worry about having a hangover tomorrow because there will be no tomorrow.
-31 Solo cups
-1 Larger cup (Think a Big Gulp cup from 7/11)
-2 Ping Pong Balls
-A ton of Beer
-All the remaining booze in your home/safehouse/Y2K bomb shelter
-6-8 Players who have come to terms with the fact that the world will be engulfed in a sea of fire in approximately 12 to 15 hours
The Set Up:
Slapocalypse is a reworking of Slap Cup tailored specifically for the end of days.
Place 25 Solo cups in a 5×5 square formation in the middle of the table. Replace the middle cup with your Big Gulp cup. The Big Gulp cup shall be referred to as Satan’s War Chalice.
Place a cup at each corner so that there are 4 total cups as tendrils hanging off the square. These cups shall henceforth be called the Four Horsemen of the Slapocalypse.
Fill the 4 Horsemen to the brim with beer.
Fill each cup in the outer layer a quarter of the way full with beer.
Fill the cups in the inner layer each with a shot of a random booze of your choosing. If you have the means, use a different type of alcohol for each cup.
Fill Satan’s War Chalice all the way to the top with an infernal concoction of liquors. Make it as chock full of booze as you possibly can. Remember, in the new world order, the smell of alcohol will only incite the insatiable half-man, half-wolf mutant clans from the hinterlands. So pour it all in there comrades.
How to Play:
1. Just like in the cataclysmic hellscape that will soon take hold of the world, Slapocalypse is every man for himself.
2. Like in Slap Cup, there are two empty cups going around the table at all times. Each empty cup is accompanied by a ping-pong ball.
3. Players take turns bouncing a ping-pong ball into an empty cup. Once a ball is bounced into a cup, the cup and ball are passed to the player immediately to the left.
4. If a player bounces the ball into the cup on his/her first attempt, he/she can pass the ball and cup to any player of his/her choosing. Hint: you want to try pass it to the person behind the person still shooting.
5. If two players immediately next to each other are both bouncing, we have now entered the Thunderdome. Two men enter. One man leaves.
If you bounce it in before the player to your left, SLAP HIS/HER CUP OFF THE TABLE. Then, pass your cup to the player to the slapped player’s left.
*Like the weak after the collapse of civilization, a cup that is on the ground should be left behind. Stragglers will endanger your chances of survival and are only useful for food or trade.
6. If you just got slapped, grab a cup from the middle and drink it fast. Keep the now empty cup and start bouncing again.
7. If your cup gets slapped and you need to drink, first pull from the Four Horesemen of the Slapocalypse. Once those cups are gone, pull from the outer layer of beer cups. When the beer cups are all drunk, pull from the inner shot-filled cups.
The final person to drink must drink Satan’s War Chalice. Then, the game and, presumably, the world have come to an end.
8. Whenever a cup gets slapped, fill one of the beer cups up to the top with beer. If there are no beer cups remaining, add another shot to one of the inner cups.
9. Throughout the game, you can also try to bounce into Satan’s War Chalice. If you bounce the ball into Lucifer’s lager, every one has to grab a cup and drink. But if your bounce lands into another cup, you must drink that cup. Regardless of the result of this bouncing, you still must bounce the ball into its empty cup in order to pass it on.
*Also, if a bounce attempt slips between the cups surrounding Satan’s war chalice, you must make sure to place the cups in their original formation after retrieving the ball.
10. If at any point during the game you inadvertently bounce the ball into a cup that has booze in it, you must drink that cup.
When faced with the impending extinction of mankind, the only logical thing left to do is to drink. So enjoy Slapocalypse while you still can. And who knows? You and your friends might even get drunk enough to partake in a good, old fashioned, Dionysian fuckfest. And if not, well, welcome to Barter Town bitches.