The University of California system decided to update its seal, which, judging by the results, was because someone’s nephew is a graphic designer that can’t get real work.
While that new seal has been ditched, we at the Leek can’t help but think the stuffy old seal could use an update. Here are some proposed new seals that will better reflect the true nature of the college and Universities.
Harvard’s old “Veritas” means truth. Our new design shows the truth about how Harvard students think of themselves, especially in relation to their fellow Ivy League schools.
Ever since William F. Buckley published “God and Man at Yale”, it’s been clear that Yale is a godless institution of secular liberalism. So why not honor the true master of Yale, the Skull and Bones society.
3. Arizona State
Arizona State University has a lazy seal. They just wrote their name around the state seal. While laziness and ASU go hand in hand,we figured we’d help the University out by highlighting their most attractive feature: Their easy coeds.
4. Penn State
Penn State has tried to shake off its Jerry Sandusky scandal by wearing blue ribbons to commemorate victims of child abuse. We’ve put Chris Hansen in the middle of the seal to ward of child molesters forever.
5. University of Colorado
The University of Colorado hasn’t had much going for its football program as of late, so we think highlighting the one thing they have going for them, legal weed, will help bring students to campus.
6. University of California (Berkeley)
The old biblical quote about bringing light to the world won’t fit the politically correct nature of Berkeley students. Let’s let the seal reflect the activist history and serve as a warning to students who don’t want to feel guilt tripped for being born in a rich western nation.
7. University of Southern California
USC is a football program with a university attached to it, though they would be willing to sell the school assets as soon as the NCAA lets them pay players.
8. Vassar College
Vassar was an all-girls school for over 100 years until they decided to add men in ’69. The school is 55% female to 45% male, so the gender gap means many females are making do and making out the same way their foremothers did.
9. Ole Miss
Ole Miss respects the long traditions and heritage. Unfortunately, that means racist mob violence.
Stanford is a place of innovation and creation. But as every major technology company is founded by college dropouts, the people with degrees are either code monkeys for Silicon Valley, or underpaid grad students working their way up the ladder in academia.
11. Michigan State
Well known as a basketball powerhouse, it’s grand tradition in April includes the lighting of the couches to celebrate their team winning, Or losing. Or just setting fire because damn if they are going to haul that futon home during summer break.
12. University of Michigan
U of M is the Yankees of the college football world. They have a large fan base of people who never attended the school (or came close to qualifying). Rather than run form it, the University should honor it’s richest source of revenue, the Wal-Mart Wolverine.
13. University of Texas
A lot of guys at the University of Texas heard the line from Full Metal Jacket that says the only things that come from Texas are steers and queers. They believe the more they act like steers by doing ‘hook’em horns”, the easier it is to forget about that night in the tent with Bobby at the Boy Scout Jamboree.