Being single on Valentine’s Day sucks, right? WRONG! Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you have to be sad. Instead of curling up in a ball and crying in your room this Valentine’s Day, just remember these helpful tips, and you’ll feel better than ever.
1. You now have an opportunity to catch up on some Netflix.
Think about all the quality Netflix opportunities you’d miss by being in a relationship. Do you even realize all the good stuff they have on instant now? Are you seriously telling me you still haven’t finished Arrested Development? You’ve got to be kidding me! It comes back in May! This Valentine’s Day, go ahead and spend some time with the Bluths, or some other fictional family members. At least they’ll never cheat on you with Dan.
2. You can’t get drunk on a date.
But you can definitely get drunk alone! Think about it, if you’re going out with your main squeeze, you’ll probably be rolling up to a swanky restaurant, that costs a lot of money, and where you’ll have to keep your shit together. But who wants that? Just chill out and get blotto in the comfort of your own home instead. Maybe even invite some friends over to share your booze and self-pity with. Not Dan though. If he wants to talk to you, he’ll have to go through mom.
3. Dessert tastes much better when you don’t have to share it.
We’ve all been there. You’re out on a date, you finish your meal, and it’s time to pick out a dessert. But not for yourself, mind you. You’ve got to pick out something to, that’s right, SHARE! Whether its because you’re cutting calories, trying to be cute, or just attempting to save a little money, it seems like once you’re in a relationship, you never get your own dessert again. Well this Valentine’s Day, you can have your cake and eat it too. Literally. Don’t even think about the fact that you found out your ex was cheating on you by walking in on Dan eating cake off her naked ass.
4. You’re better off alone anyway.
At the end of the day, you need to acknowledge that you’re a special person all by yourself, and you don’t need anybody else to make you complete. And if the person you’re with doesn’t recognize how great you are, then they’re not worth having in your life. Take some time to celebrate yourself. But not like you celebrated your last birthday, when Dan turned your party into an orgy.
5. This gives you more time to find a date for next year.
That’s right. While everybody else is off feeling sorry for themselves, you’ll be the one single person planning out next year’s Valentine’s Day. If you get a head start, you’re sure to have a date by then, right? At the very least you’ll have used those killer bees to get revenge on Dan. Mwahahahaha…