In case you haven’t heard, Jay-Z and Robert De Niro have some major beef you guys.
Apparently, Jay-Z has not been returning Mr. De Niro’s phone calls and Bobby D is not happy about it. With that in mind, here are some other celebrity beefs that stayed under the radar:
1. Michael Lohan vs. Alec Baldwin
This feud began when Lohan publicly called Baldwin “the worst father of the year”. Baldwin retaliated by leaving a lengthy voicemail for Lohan in which Baldwin referred to Lohan as a “thoughtless little pig.”
The beef looked like it was cooling down but the rivalry was reignited due to the recent discovery of Lohan’s 17-year-old love child. Based on these new developments, Baldwin was overheard saying, “I might not be the best dad but, hey, at least I know which daughters are mine to denigrate and neglect.”
2. Channing Tatum vs. Ryan Gosling
Ryan Gosling has been said to be openly jealous of Channing Tatum after Tatum was named People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive”. Sources close to Gosling say that the Drive actor feels the magazine snubbed him for the second year in a row. “I don’t get it. I really don’t,” said Gosling. “What does a guy have to do to be named sexiest man alive? I break up fights in the streets of New York. I save helpless women from oncoming traffic. I strike the perfect balance between serious actor and serious beefcake. Tatum makes one movie and, all of a sudden, he’s freaking Elvis or something.”
Tatum responded by saying, “Yea, Magic Mike was totally a calculated move. That was my trump card. Once I read the script, I knew I had Gosling beat. Why else do you think I would be apart of that softcore meat circus?”
Tatum then proceeded to toplessly show Matthew Mcconaughey his ideas for the sequel.
3. Carrot Top vs. Louis C.K.
Here at the Leek, we’re billing this one as “Ginger Gate”. When asked about Carrot Top, C.K. responded, “I’m the funniest comedian working today. He’s a roided up circus freak. Can I get back to eating my ice cream and masturbating now please?”
Carrot Top fired back by whipping out his prop box, pulling out a toilet seat with a picture of C.K. taped in the middle of it, and making audible fart noises.
4. Ray-J, Reggie Bush, and Kris Humphries vs. Kanye West
These four have been embroiled in a heated twitter battle royale ever since Kim Kardashian began dating Kanye West. It seems as if Kim’s former flames just can’t let go. But we’ll step aside and let their tweets do the talking:
@RayJ: @Kanyewest Real Talk. My junk was the star of that sex tape. If anything my dong should have its own reality show. #FortheLoveofRayJsDick
@KrisHumphries: @KimKardashian Ever since you left I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t score more than 10 pts a game. I miss us.
@Reggie_Bush: @KimKardashian Kim, it’s Reggie. Reggie Bush. Remember me?
@KimKardashian: @Reggie_Bush Um, who?
@Reggie_Bush: @KimKardashian Reggie Bush. I won the Heisman. But I had to give it back. I play for the Dolphins. In Miami. In the NFL.
@KimKardashian: @Reggie_Bush Sorry doesn’t ring a bell.
@KrisHumphries: @KimKardashian Those 72 days were magical. Weren’t they Kim? I really do miss us.
@RayJ: How is this not a show already? Reality execs listen up. Top C*ck, C*ck boss, Say Yes to my big fat fucking dick. Options R endless.
5. Psy vs. Kim Jong Un
Tensions between South Korean rapper Psy and North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong Un have boiled over in recent weeks. Kim Jong Un has been performing Psy’s ‘Gangnam Style’ across North Korea and passing it off as his own. Due to his stranglehold on all North Korean media and his uncanny resemblance to Psy, Kim Jong Un has been able to successfully dupe his populace into believing that the song was written by him. Sources close to Kim Jong Un claim that the massive hit has helped the ruler gain a great deal of favor with his citizenry.
Sources close to Kim Jong Un have also been sent to labor camps in the isolated North Hamgyong province for “making claims”.
When asked to comment on this situation, Psy paused for a moment, walked towards the camera, and yelled, “Wuppa Gangnam Style!”
6. Kate Upton vs. Alison Brie
You might not know it but Upton and Brie have been at each other’s throats as of late due to comments Brie made about Upton or insulting remarks Upton said to Brie or because they wore the same dress that one time or some such shit. Doesn’t matter. Take your pick.
The point is they despise one another with the fiery passion of a thousand dying suns and the only way to reconcile their irreconcilable differences is with a no holds barred, mud wrestling, cage match. No not mud. Jell-o. Yea Jell-o’s better. Kate Upton and Alison Brie need to fight it out wearing skimpy bikinis in a no holds barred, Jell-o wrestling, cage match.
That’s probably the only way this one’s going to resolve itself.
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