Hottest Gamer Girls Online (20 Pics)

These Gamer Girls Are the HOTTEST of the Hot!

And when I say ‘hottest’ I mean ‘HOTTEST‘!

When one thinks of typical gamer girls, they assume they’re covered in a litany of pimples and reek with an overall aura of un-f*ckablity. And for the most part, you’d be dead on in thinking that. But not all joystick stroking girls are fugly. In fact, there are some rather attractive honeys out there who know how to collect coins & beat bosses.

You won’t need any codes to enjoy this list of the sexiest gamer girls to ever grip a controller.

1. That face would make anybody pause.

2. Wii love boobs.

3. Multi-tasking gamer hottie.

4. Rock out with your jugs out!

5. Gui-Bra Hero!

6. Mid-game photo op.

7. Those legs don’t need cheat codes.

8. Any song she plays sets the mood.

9. Perfect gamer stance.

10. An angel playing Halo.

11. She’s getting into it!

12. Sometimes, it’s better just to watch her play.

13. She puts makeup on for her Call of Duty sessions.

14. Scantily sexy gamer babe.

15. She likes Wii in her mouth.

16. She likes it doggy – that way she can keep playing.

17. Knee high beauty loves playing by herself.

18. Born to play.

19. Gamer Hotness Level: Alba.

20. Looks like they want me to join in their “Multiplayer” mode.

The Leek

12 Steps of Eating Taco Bell

We have a love/hate relationship with Taco Bell.

Taco Bell is as delicious and cheap as it is painfully diarrhetic and, well… cheap. It’s common knowledge that despite the delectable array of Mexican goodness Taco Bell is famous for, it’s even more famous for causing epic poop sessions.

The following are the 12 steps everyone experiences when deciding to dine at Taco Bell.

1. Excitement: You decide you’re gonna ‘Run for the Border.’

2. Nervousness: What should I order?

3. Anticipation: Waiting in the drive-thru line.

4. Hurried: Driving home with your grub.

5. Relief: Arrive at home with your food.

6. Pure Joy: Actually eating the delicious Taco Bell-goodness! 

7. Content: The 3 minute grace period after your last bite.

8. Worry: When your tummy starts it’s initial grumblings. 

9. Panic: You need a toilet…NOW

10. Pain & Embarrassment: Boisterous diarrhea splashes heard from blocks away.

11. Regret: Making peace with God while red-faced on the toilet.

12. Hunger: With your stomach (and entire torso) now void of all matter, you’re ready to grub again.

How about a 4th meal? 

The Leek

10 Things That Make Me Miss ‘Breaking Bad’

I see things everyday that remind me how much I miss ‘Breaking Bad.’

The hiatus between seasons of ‘Breaking Bad’ is too much to bare. And I know I’m not the only mega-fan of this already legendary show who feels this way. I mean, ‘Breaking Bad’ is the best show on television! Nothing even comes close.

For all my fellow-Breaking Bad’ers, you’re not alone in your anxious waiting. Here are 10 things we encounter in day-to-day life that remind us how much we miss ‘Breaking Bad.’

1. Every Time I Pass Fumigated Houses.

2. Whenever I See a Chemistry Teacher.

3. Whenever I See Bald Guys With Goatees & Glasses.

4. Whenever I Hear The Word, “Bitch.”

5. Whenever I See Abandoned RVs.

6. Whenever I Eat Blue Rock Candy.

7. Whenever I Cross Paths With An Awkward Teen Who Loves Breakfast.

8. Whenever I See Spanish Themed Chicken Restaurants.

9. Whenever I Read The Initials W.W.

10. And Of Course…Anytime I Do Meth.

The Leek

TATTOOS-day: Beautiful Girls!

Beautiful Girls with tats. Is there anything hotter?

Nope. Beautiful girls with sleeves or beautiful girls with full back murals, it doesn’t matter. They’re still beautiful. And it’s common knowledge that a girl becomes instantly sexier when she sits down and gets ink’d up. It’s a bad ass level of sex appeal that really gets the average joe’s blood pumping.

Thank the good lord for hot chicks with tats!

1. I’d spilt a malt with her any day.

2. Ahoy, hoy.

3. Sexy ass tree hugger.

4. Hair & Tats down to her ass.

5. Trio of tatted up triplets.

6. Blonde BOMBshells.

7. Side tat + side boob = Happy Me.

8. Colorful candid kissing.

9. I call this, “Tatt’d Procrastination.” Why? I have no idea.

10. I’d give anything to wake up to that every morning.

11. Full sleeve-ing it to perfection.

12. Quit covering up and show us dem boob tats!

13. The nose piercing is a cherry atop this tattoo sundae.

14. Go on. Keep lifting that shirt. I’ll wait…

15. Instagram filtered body art.

16. Partners in ink.

17. Oooooweeee!

18. Face Down. Tats Up!

19. Lying in wait…

20. Marry me. Please.

The Leek

Meanwhile In… Tijuana

Oh, Tijuana…

What is it about Tijuana that makes American travelers so…nervous? Oh, I don’t know. Could it be the constant news stories about cartels gutting tourists and using them as fleshy duffle bags for drugs? Or is it due to the total lack of government and excess of donkey shows? Who knows? Regardless of it’s negative stigma amongst, well, everyone, there’s still a healthy amount of idiots choosing to visit Tijuana.

If you’re one of those brave, thrill seekers planning your annual trip across the border or if you’re content not risking your life for cheaper gum – you might be interested in seeing what’s going on meanwhile in… Tijuana.

1. Play along with your favorite Telemundo hits!

2. Chu don’t want none of this, ese!

3. Gracias for pumping my ass, señor.

4. Eh, it’s a living, amigo.

5. People go to great lengths to GTFO of TJ.

6. I’d like a Seis piece.

7. The Mayor celebrating another Tuesday.

8. Every establishment is required to have handicap stairs by law.

9. Is he supposed to look tough or scared?

10. Nice asses.

The Leek

Bro Rides Every Dude Should Drive

Bro! These rides are DOPE!

Seriously, Bro. These cars are crazy sick! These whips are tailor made to appeal to a man’s man, a dude’s dude, a bro’s bro, if you will. So, please, fellow dudes, prepare yourself to be both frustrated & amazed!

Amazed because these vehicles are mind blowingly awesome and frustrated because you know you’ll never really be able to own any of these. But, hey, who am I to say that? You might…

(but you probably won’t)

1. I’d own the night in this ride!

2. This Audi model is all about simplicity.

3. Nothing beats a solid Caddy, man.

4. Bugati, you have my heart (and my money).

5. Drop top Range? Yeah…that’s BALLER!

6. Looks like something out of Michael Bay’s wet dream.

7. The clunkiest looking Ferrari of all time.

8. One mean ass Chevy…

9. This sleek whip has me pulling out the checkbook.

10. I. NEED. THIS. BEAMER.

The Leek

Huge Boobs and Spectacles (20 Pics)

These huge boobs and spectacles will make you grab your testicles.

Huge Boobs! Huge Boobs! You really can never say that enough. But, sometimes, massive breasts just aren’t enough on their own. Who am I kidding? Of course they are! But for the sake of staying fresh we thought we’d collect 20 of the hottest nerds with ginormous cans.

These girls have both retina and lower back problems! Amazing, right?

These lovely, buxom ladies spend the majority of their time in the library and the remainder of the day stuffing the plump square footage of their tits into a tiny bra. And for that, we are eternally grateful.

These girls are just as beautiful as they are brilliant…we assume. Who knows? These broads could be dumber than a stack of bricks! But I do know one thing, that stack of bricks doesn’t have a flawless pair of ‘study buddies’ like these sexy nerds do!

These girls are guaranteed to fog your frames and tighten your pants.

1. No wonder she can’t see! Those puppies would block anyone’s vision.

2. She seems strict…strictly hot with dem specs on!

3. It’s a common stereotype that Huge Boobs do well in math.

4. She’s sad because Barnes & Noble doesn’t open for a few hours.

5. Pulling out some cleave in between classes? Nice!

6. Emo chicks have massive yatters too, ya know.

7. Not sure what to grab first: the boobs or the ponytail.

8. Yup. That’ll do.

9. Only the coolest teachers straddle chairs.

10. Don’t need glasses to see that this chick’s perfect.

11. A sweet pair of ‘Distractors’ on this four-eyed broad.

12. Those are some lucky ass hands.

13. Are we in an office? Are we in a kitchen? Who cares?! BOOBS!

14. Eye contact during a striptease? I’ll allow it.

15. She looks like a Mom from Vegas. I’ll also allow it!

16. Checking out some melons in the Express Lane.

17. Don’t motorboat her or you’ll drown.

18. I’m getting a slutty lawyer vibe from this spectacled beauty. Case closed.

19. She only bought glasses so she can read ’50 Shades.’

20. Katy Perry makes me want to molest Elmo.

The Leek

Leek Lady of the Week: Miley Cyrus

The Leek Lady this week is none other than Miley Cyrus!

This is Miley’s first time winning the honor of Leek Lady of the Week, but I doubt it’ll be her last. The odd-haired country singer offspring has skyrocketed past her Disney-friendly persona and morphed into the sexy songstress she is today! And we at the Leek have taken notice.

Ms. Cyrus is no longer the timid teeny bopper delivering hollow pop lyrics, no sir. She’s an all around dynamo who has most recently become the face of an entire TWERK nation. This ain’t your Daddy’s Miley Cyrus, I can promise you that.

Her upcoming album is rumored to have features by a handful of today’s most popular rappers, proving that even the hardest of the hard in the rap game got respect (and hard ons) for Miley. But it does make you think…Wonder how Billy Ray feels about his precious little daughter hanging out with a bunch of street tufts? Hell, he probably doesn’t give a shit as long as he still gets a cut of that sweet Hannah Montana money.

1. Classic Hollywood Cyrus.

2. iHeart that haircut.

3. Pass the Miley to the left hand side.

4. Gangsta-Bitch Cyrus.

5. Legs for DAYS!

6. Punk Rock Sexy.

7. Keeping it tight enroute to the gym.

8. Girl Next Door Hotness.

9. The ol’ “Grab the Neck, Show the Pit” pose.

10. Cy-de Boob.

11. Simple Elegance.

12. That smile.

13. That hair.

14. Those Lips.

15. That’s my girl…

The Leek

Friendly Neighborhood WTF Dump

Time for that always refreshing WTF DUMP!

Rejoice, party people! We got a whole dump truck full of WTF for ya on this glorious Friday. The work week is over and you’ve probably been too busy putting in hours of quality labor to even enjoy this week’s funniest pictures on the Internet. Well, that’s why we’re here – to make sure you’re not caught with your pants down when your peers are discussing current comedic bits from the Interwebs.

No more exasperated coworkers staring at you in shock because you haven’t seen that latest Grumpy Cat Memes or Surprised Patrick series. That’s right! The days of feeling out of the internet comedy loop are a thing of the past, my friend. With the WTF DUMP, you’re able to catch up on all the goings on that you’ve missed during the week. We got your back, bro.

We’ve devoured all the hilarious nonsense from the around the web this week, digested it and pooped out a great batch for you loyal fans of funny! So, flip off your boss (when he’s not looking), scroll down and get ready to laugh your tits off! It’s time for this week’s WTF Dump!

1. Bacon taco?! Take that Doritos!

2. When twerking goes wrong.

3. Marshmallow witch being burned on Graham Cracker mountain.

4. Estupido Flánders!

5. The reality of shaving & not shaving.

6. The fish in Dub Step creek are straight up funky!

7. Ah, the old Post-It on the bottom of the mouse prank. Classic.

8. An adorable real-life Puss in Boots.

9. Incredibly trippy.

10. Rural sloths.

The Leek

College Girls: Study Hard, Party Harder

College Girls are the real reason people go to school.

It’s a well known fact that college girls love to party. You’d be hard pressed to find a sorority sister who hasn’t been a beer bong away from alcohol poisoning at one point or another. Talk about dedication to inebriation. College girls don’t concern themselves with silly tests, papers or sobriety.

And really, why the hell would they? That would just be getting in the way of all their constant partying!

If you’re in college right now, listen up and listen closely: Have as much fun as you can, because those years come and go in the blink of an eye. Savor every moment…

These curvaceous collegiate co-eds are more than aware that college, though short lived, will be the best years of their lives. That’s why they choose to have as much fun as possible, because they’re gonna look up one day and it’ll all be over, just like that. And it’ll seem even quicker because they’re blacking out 7 times a week!

Regardless, these buxom bookworms make the most of their days by getting HAMMERED and you gotta respect that!

Do Work, Ladies!!!

1. Looking for a study buddy, beautiful?

2. Now that’s one sexy Seminole!

3. She’s brainy and booby!

4. Pair of sisters with their own ‘pairs of sisters.’

5. Those are some beautifully perky desert mounds you got there.

6. Flexin’ sexin’ Sun Devils.

7. The rare “Big Boobed Wall Flower.”

8. She can tackle me anytime!

9. Tight, Toned & Ready to Bone.

10. Stay just like that…I’ll say ‘Hike’ when I’m ready…

The Leek

CLEAVE-Land : Supreme Big Boobs

Big boobs make everything better…

Add ‘Big Boobs’ to anything and ask yourself, “Is this better?” The answer will inevitably be, “Hell Yes!” Enormous breasts stimulate the human mind in so many ways it’s hard to keep track. A great set of knockers can virtually hypnotize a person into doing any number of things. I swear, jiggling, jumping jugs, if used correctly, can make a guy do anything.

But whether those titty temptations result in something stupid or something incredibly courageous, they are still powerful enough to persuade someone to take action. And you gotta respect that. Hell, I can barely get out of bed to go to work everyday. And they PAY me! These motivating chesticles are responsible for just as much good in the world as they are evil. Basically, you can blame everything on boobs.

There’s just an indescribable, overall awesomeness big boobs posses that leaves men slack-jawed, horny and confused. When asked, most approach the subject of boobs the same way rednecks approach the topic of truck tires: the BIGGER the better.

And how do you improve already flawless, massive melons? Squish those sh*ts together and let me enjoy that CLEAVE-land, baby!

1. Looks like her “twins” are riding shotgun.

2. Her bikini tugging has got me doing some “tugging” of my own. (wink, wink)

3. Perky and gigantic? Yes, please.

4. Beautiful, bouncing beach babe bombs.

5. Pale jugs grabbing some rays poolside.

6. Dressing room cleave…is there anything better?

7. Yes. Lingerie cleave is waaay better.

8. Mocha skinned beauty with a couple lumps of “sugar.”

9. Bird’s eye view.

10. My immediate erection indicates perfection. 10/10.

The Leek

Kick Ass To Be… ‘MURICAN!

Everyone knows it’s kick ass to be… ‘MURICAN

The countless freedoms we enjoy on a daily basis make it kick ass to be a citizen of this great nation. We’ve got hot women, big cars and even BIGGER food portions! It truly is extremely kick ass to be patriotic and we Americans know it. We don’t listen or take orders from anybody! If we want extra cheesy fries with our salad- we get it! If we want to raise our trucks so high we need a series of ladders to even reach the door handle – we do it! If we want to tell everyone how f**king great it is to be ‘Murican – we Git-R-Done!

So pause that ‘Honey Boo Boo’ episode, put down your Big Gulp and enjoy this collection of everything that makes this great country of ours, well…great!

1. We’ll throw a spoiler on anything.

2. We see hair as a perfect place to show our fanhood.

3. If we ain’t shootin’, we eatin’.

4. We have cellulite on our forearms.

5. We super-size our matrimony.

6. We NEVER waste bacon.

7. Patriotic mustache rides are part of our rich history.

8. Our leaders force you to “deal with it.”

9. Like I said, we NEVER waste bacon.

10. We don’t let obesity stop us from living life!

11. We ride high to soccer practice!

12. We turn thongs into fanny packs.

13. We use SMART cars the smartest way.

14. We knows how’s to talk good and whatnot.

15. We care about global warming.

The Leek

Hot Girls in Latex Are Even Hotter

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Hot girls are amazing.

Everyone loves hot girls. They look great in anything. Especially latex. Nothing’s better than hot girls in latex. Nothing.

And why is that?

Why is it that latex, that skin tight, boob-hugging material, can make an already hot girl that much hotter? It’s baffled countless scientists for centuries. Numerous tests and exams have been performed in hopes of cracking the case of the mysterious appeal that coincides with a form fitting latex get up, but all have wound up empty handed. No one can figure it out.

I remember there was this Dutch physicist named Schnauser Gräpedrink who devoted his entire life to latex and it’s effect on the female body. He toiled for years in his mother’s basement trying to find the answer. Poor Dr. Gräpedrink wound up declaring bankruptcy after his decades worth of latex exams proved to be fruitless. When asked what he felt about spending his life on something that ended up being a colossal waste of time, he’d always reply, “Vaste? It was no vaste, my friend. I got to spend my life around latex!”

If your initial reaction to that quote is “sounds like a creep”, I don’t blame you. That doctor was fairly pervy, but his passion for latex, though nauseating, was admirable.

The instant improvement a full body latex suit can provide is unreal. No other material even comes close to bumping up the sex appeal of person more than a quality, tight as fuhhh latex suit.

Don’t even try to think of anything better than latex models. There’s absolutely nothing that rivals it. You’re just wasting your time. Stop all that incessant pondering and just enjoy these pics of hot girls in latex, will you?

Dig this? Then you’ll definitely like our other site LaughRoulette for more photo entertainment!

The Leek

Arrested Development: Greatest Show of All Time

Arrested Development is the greatest show of all time.

That’s right, I said, “of all time.” I dare you to say otherwise. The misadventures of the Bluth family have kept viewers in stitches since 2003. Loyal fans were shocked and angered when the “geniuses” at Fox suddenly pulled the plug on the iconic show after only 3 seasons. Since that undeserved banishment from the airwaves seven years ago, fans have kept busy by binge watching classic reruns and blindly hoping for their beloved televised family of characters to return.

What have Michael and George-Michael been up to? Is Buster still a lovably pathetic mama’s boy? Does Gob still consider himself a magical ladies man? Is Tobias still struggling with his crippling never-nudeness? Will I ever see the Banana Stand again?! Those are only a few of the many questions swirling around the heads of A.D. fan boys & girls.

Well, all their questions are about to be answered. On May 26th, the greatest show of all time is coming back – all thanks to Netflix. Get back in Bluth mode with these memorably moments from seasons passed.

1. George-Michael’s reaction to a rough day.

2. Bluth Family “chicken” dance.

3. George Sr. is a loyal man.

5. Lucille is drunkenly terrifying.

6. She’s also in touch with the common man.

7. George Sr. knows the “no touching” rule.

8. Gob…always thinking positive.

9. Gob Bluth: Master Illusionist…kinda.

10. Buster enjoying a quality juice box.

11. Tobias being a typically sassy heterosexual.

The Leek

Meanwhile In…North Korea!!!

North Korea is straight up CRAZY!

What is the deal with North Korea? It seems like with every passing day, there’s a new outlandish story coming out about the ill lead country. Kim Jong Un plans to launch this, or attack that…but we all know that pudgy little idiot isn’t going to do anything. Though they see themselves as a feared super power, North Korea is doing nothing with these constant empty threats, other then serving as weekly comedic fodder for us. I’m not quite sure what reality Kim Jong Un has the rest of his country living in, but it is definitely a state of delusion. And I don’t know about the rest of you patriots out there, but I can’t get enough of this harmless little dough ball. So, throw on some country music, down a Big Mac and grab your favorite pair of blue jeans, because it’s time to check out what’s happening Meanwhile In… North Korea.

1. Kim sure loves him some cake.

2. Kim and his favorite equestrian enjoy making feature films together!

3. Kim has a way of dealing with complainers: execution.

4. Kim is only slightly racist.

5. Kim ain’t afraid of no loop-de-loops!

6. Kim’s first official Internet lesson.

7. Kim likes his women identical, uniformed and blindingly obedient.

8. Kim becomes easily frustrated when math’s involved.

9. Kim gets cranky when he hasn’t eaten.

10. Kim doesn’t quite understand military tactics. (Neither does anyone else over there)

11. Kim is more of a “shower person.”

12. Kim likes his fighter jets as compact as possible.

13. Kim loves winning. Even if he loses.

The Leek

BRO Sneakers Every Guy Must Have!!!

Bro sneakers are the best. Nowadays, you need an entire collection of fashionable kicks if you want to be taken seriously. Still rocking those murky New Balances? Sorry, bro. That’s not gonna cut it. If you ever want any girls to notice you, you need to step out in something clean, classy and clever. Still not sure what I mean by Bro Sneakers? Scroll down and take notes.

1. Bad Ass Mario Sneaks.

All the Princesses are gonna be asking to be saved when they see you wearing these!

2. They Give You Wings!

Who needs a heart-stopping Red Bull when you have these beauties?

3. Elegant Suede Sneakers.

Simple. Classy. Effective.

4. Who You Gonna Call?

Only thing that’d make these cooler is a Bill Murray signature.

5. Orange You Glad You Got Jordans?

You’re damn right I’m glad! These are DOPE!

6. Über Clean Red & Black J’s.

These babies are straight up lethal!

7. Some Expensive Pennies.

You’re for sure getting “lucky” with these pennies.

8. Comic Book Kicks.

Geeks need cool kicks too.

9. Casual Pokemón Moccasins.

Mellow turtle style.

10. I Call These the “In Living Color” Joints.

The early 90′s feel great on your feet.

11. The Tentacles Tie Your Laces For You!

Known on the street as “Air Squidwards”

12. Sunset on Your Feet.

Peaceful & Serene.

13. Perfect For When You Hit The Streets.

Or if you have a Black & White event to attend.

14. The Eye of the Ti…Wolf!

These cool kicks are rabid!

15. Maroon Nike Maverick Kicks For The Win!

These babies got me ALL IN!

The Leek

WINsday: Music Teacher Prank!

Who doesn’t enjoy a good prank?

I can’t think of anyone. Well, unless you count the victim of the prank. They probably aren’t as jazzed about it. But there’s no room for sympathy with a prank. The main motivation behind any practical joke is to (hopefully) trick someone into believing something is real, then laughing at their subsequent trust. Hilarious, right?

Well, I sure as sh*t think so! The look on a prankee’s face is the sheer definition of ‘priceless.’ It is literally without price.

Plus, there’s always that high that coincides with a successful practical joke, thus making the friendly trickery that much more rewarding.

Check out this beautifully executed piece of excellence in the video below. Who said teachers and students can’t work together?

My God that was genius! He nailed an entire class. I haven’t seen a teacher/student duo that successful since Cory Matthews & Mr. Feeny.

In all honesty, I’d never suspect my teacher to pull something like this off! Especially not a music teacher. I feel like music teachers are stuck up by nature, but not this guy. What a cool teach! Too bad I put down the saxophone years ago, or I’d be scrambling to enroll in this guy’s class next semester! Not since Jack Black has learning music looked so hilariously appealing.

Dig this? Then you’ll definitely like our other site LaughRoulette for more photo entertainment!

The Leek

TATTOOS-day: 15 Permanent FAILs

FAILs are a part of life.

FAILs stay in a person’s mind for a long time. There’s something about laughing at someone else’s FAILs that leaves a lasting effect on the human psyche. The more dire the circumstances, the funnier it is. This is no different. Seeing someone with a horrible tattoo oddly makes you feel better about yourself and your life decisions. Decisions like, “Thank God I didn’t get a tattoo like that idiot!” So, settle in and check out this hilarious list of regrettable tattoos, also known as, Permanent FAILs. Enjoy!

1. What an adorable little bundle of… WTF?!

“Yeah, I want my daughter on my chest. But could you make her look evil & deformed? Righteous!”

2. Like Father…

“Always got ‘Murica on my mind, boy!”

3. Like Son…

“I want people to look at me and know I’m innocent, Officer.”

4. By the look of his tats, he’s sad about being a p*ssy eater.

“I need something to replace my mustache AND express my admiration for cunnilingus.”

5. Now he can see people behind him…making fun of his terrible tat.

“I want to join all the people laughing at me behind my back! Seems hilarious.”

6. That’s one TALL mistake you got there.

“I want an animal that’s as high as I look…”

7. I know you’re not supposed to judge a book by it’s cover, but…

“I want something that says I’m crazy, but also super mean.”

8. One of the classiest armpit tats you’ll see.

“God gave me a pair. But I feel like I should get another. You know, for a rainy day.”

9. Is that a shark eating a baby?! I stand corrected.

“I’m a preschool teacher and I need something I can cover up when I’m at school.”

10. Hello, Kitty. My name is Pale McHatesmyself.

“Hurry and put SOMETHING on my head. There’s meth to be smoked!”

11. He should’ve double-checked this beforehand double-checked.

“What do you mean, ‘have I proofread it’?”

12. 1/2 Pac.

“I need a religious piece that I can really grow into.”

13. Bobby Hill : American Gangster.

“I sell thug life and thug life accessories. Got anything for me?”

14. The motto.

“I want people to know I get dating advice from a fictional fast food mascot.”

15. Nothing says, “ready for the job market” like a beaten Snooki…

“I want to be able to look at my body and see a beaten slut.”

The Leek

How To Survive a Hangover at Work

Do you know how to survive a hangover at work?

It’s shocking how most people don’t know how to survive it. How many times have you seen a poor, nauseated coworker clumsily flop down in their cubicle 20 minutes late reeking like a frat boy’s morning breath only to spend the rest of the day in agony? Constantly, right? They go out drinking with the arrogant mindset of, “I’ll figure it out tomorrow.”  Well, that sh*t just ain’t gonna fly. Trust me, if you follow these 5 simple steps, you will finally know how to survive a hangover at work.

1. Chew gum and wear cologne/perfume.

This seems like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how many hungover employees forget this important step. You don’t become hungover because you barely drank. You get hungover because you demolish your liver with shot after shot of fire water. And after a few hours of passed out induced slumber, all those alcohol molecules decide to collectively fog up your mouth with pungent skunkiness. You think morning breath is bad? You haven’t smelled anything until a hungover asshole tries to tell you a secret around 9 AM. And that’s exactly what he smells like – an asshole. So, be sure to cover up those tell tale odors with a healthy amount of perfume or cologne and chew gum all day. Remember: What they don’t smell, won’t hurt ‘em.

2. Make the water cooler your best friend.

You might have a buddy in the cubicle next to you or maybe a work flirt you spend your free time with. Not today. When you’re hungover your only friend in that office is the water cooler. You need to stick to that drum of agua like glue. He’s there to replenish those much needed fluids for you. It’s common for one to crave more and more water with each gulp, but should they fill their innards with too much H20 at once, they’re liable to suffer the stomach churning consequences.  Pretty sure your work flirt won’t be as interested in you if she catches you barfing in the fake ficus near the breakroom. Practice caution and everything should be fine. Bottoms up!

3. Hit the food truck immediately.

Eat a massive amount of greasy food as soon as possible. Forget that diet you were going to try. Do away with that juice cleanse you’ve been wasting your time on. Being hungover is an amazingly legit reason to eat like a complete asshole. The more grease, the better. Your alcohol soaked guts need that delicious grease and grime to soak up all of last night’s liquid mistakes. The smell of exhaust and cheap Mexican food alone will bring comfort to your aching tum tum.

*For those who work at a place miles away from the nearest mobile eatery, may I suggest raiding your break room for any and all grease nourishment.

4. Figure out when your boss takes his lunch break.

You’re probably asking yourself, “Why the f**k does that matter?! I’m dying, asshole! Help me!” Easy my headache’d compadre, let me elaborate. Figure out when the big cheese bounces for his midday grub down because that window has now become your napping time. As soon as your boss hits the door, start your snoring. Sure, other employees might see you, but they can’t fire you. They can’t do sh*t other then snitch on you. Should an annoyingly nosey coworker decide to take the “law” into their own hands, make sure to have a incriminating false rumor about them on deck. Eye for an eye, you sober tattle tale.

5. Pound beers in the bathroom.

No better cure for a hangover than a little hair of the dog that bit ya! Wait for the coast to be clear, sneak a tall can or 40 oz. into the handicap stall and get to drinking your medicine! You’ll start feeling better in no time. Now that’s how to survive a hangover at work!

The Leek

22 Things that Feel Like Friday

There’s a special sensation you get when you look at the calendar and realize it’s Friday. It’s an indescribable feeling of soon-to-be rest & relaxation. To better explain the complex emotions we feel on that last glorious weekday, here are 21 things that feel like Friday.

1. Getting an 11^th mcnugget.

2. Waking up and realizing you have hours left to sleep.

3. Ripping a silent, but odorless fart in a crowded elevator.

4. Turning on the radio and your favorite song is playing.

5. Seeing your school’s name on a Snow Day cancellation list.

6. Drinking in a hot tub.

7. Testing beds at a mattress store.

8. Peeing after a long road trip.

9. Laying in fresh sheets that someone else washed.

10. Finding a rogue $20 bill in your jacket pocket.

11. Hitting every green light.

12. The cop behind you pulling over the person in front of you.

13. Popping bubble wrap.

14. Getting that spot right in front.

15. No line at the DMV.

16. Getting the last slice of pizza.

17. Massage chair hopping at Brookstone.

18. Park in a spot with time still left on the meter.

19. Getting a bonus soda out of the vending machine.

20. This thing.

21. This feeling.

22. This moment.

The Leek