Nothing says fun quite like the prospect of getting to go to your local theme park to check out the newest attractions. However, sometimes these rides are so terrifying, they make even the strongest of wills, squeamish. These 13 coasters are a sure guarantee that you are never too old to soil your pants.
1. Colossus – Thorpe Park (Chertsey, Surrey, England, UK)
Do you feel like going upside down 10 times? I hope the person next to you likes the smell of funnel cake and vomit.
2. Formula Rossa – Ferrari World Abu Dhabi (Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates)
0-141.9 mph in 4 seconds. Be sure to keep your head pushed back firmly on the headrest, or your face will get ripped off.
3. Green Lantern: First Flight – Six Flags Magic Mountain (Valencia, California)
“Zigzag your way down this ball-factory style ride.” More like a torturous tower of whiplash and premature spinal problems.
4. Kingda Ka – Six Flags Great Adventure (Jackson, New Jersey)
Don’t let the 28 second ride time fool you. Being hurled 419 ft. back to earth at over 100 mph will make you reconsider your religious affiliations.
5. Millennium Force – Cedar Point (Sandusky, Ohio)
Most coasters ascend their lifts at a modest 4 mph. This 15mph cable-lift hill throws you over the first 310 ft. drop, pulling you down faster than gravity. That’s right, you just messed with physics.
6. Oblivion – Alton Towers (Alton, Staffordshire, England, UK)
Before you make the near vertical plunge into a 1oo ft. pitch black tunnel, your train hangs over the first drop for about 5 seconds – giving you the opportunity to reminisce on all the poor life choices you’ve made… like this one.
7. Steel Hawg – Indiana Beach (Monticello, Indiana)
An 111 degree drop was definitely an insane idea. “Let’s give this coaster a drop that goes against all physical properties. We want our guests to put ‘oh sh*t’ claw marks into their shoulder restraints.”
8. Son Of Beast – Kings Island (Kings Mills, Ohio)
The first vertical loop on a wooden roller coaster and it messed up people’s necks. No wonder it’s no longer in operation. Only in Ohio would they think that was a good idea.
9. Superman Ultimate Flight – Six Flags Discovery Kingdom (Vallejo, California)
The sheer force from this coaster will have you tearing up like a lil’ bitch. Don’t worry though, the ride is so fast that your tears will have dried up by the time your bro sees you get off.
10. Joker’s Jinx – Six Flags America (Upper Marlboro, Maryland)
There is nothing funny about entering this twisted vortex of hell.
11. Thunder Dolphin – Tokyo Dome City (Bunkyo, Tokyo, Japan)
I don’t know what’s crazier, the fact that this coaster goes through a Ferris wheel or that it is on top of an office building.
12. X-Flight – Six Flags Great America (Gurnee, Illinois)
Imagine your feet are dangling and you are flying tightly through supports and set pieces. Please keep all hands and arms in the vehicle at all times or they will be subject to removal.
13. X2 – Six Flags Magic Mountain (Valencia, California)
So what does a 4th dimensional coaster entail exactly? A vertical drop, heart-wrenching speeds, unpredictable inversions, and of course, fire.