Romney’s Post-Election Call to Obama Leaked!

Romney’s Post-Election Call to Obama Leaked!

Nearly two hours after CNN called the election for Obama, Romney made his “concession call” to the President. Hollywood Leek has has obtained a leaked transcript of their conversation…

Barack Obama: Mittens! Joe bet me 20 bucks you wouldn’t call.

Mitt Romney: Listen, Barack-

Obama: It’s actually Mister President. Continue.

Romney: Here we go. Listen Mister President, I’m sorry it took so long to call, but my boys were very upset. Lots of crying… snot bubbles and everything. Not pretty.

Obama: Ugh, sounds awful. You should see how happy everyone is over here. We have champagne and balloons, and someone even made a seven layer dip. It’s crazy good. Why don’t you hop in one of your jets and come on over, I’ll put your name on the list.

Romney: That’s very kind of you-

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“My boys were very upset,” Romney told Obama on the phone. “Lots all crying. Snot bubbles and everything.”

Obama: Actually, scratch that. That would be awkward. So you were saying?

Romney: Well, I just wanted to say congratulations and wish you the best of luck. Looks like it’s back to the grind for you, huh? Four more years. Four. More. Years.

(:07 seconds of absolute silence)

Obama: When you put it that way, seems kind of…

Romney: Depressing, right? (laughs) Look at it this way, it’s only 1,460 more days. Or, wait, 35,040 hours. Could that be right? (silence) Yep, about thirty-five thousand hours! Anyhoo, I’ll let you get going, I’m sure you’ve got plenty of stuff to do… what with the 16 trillion dollar debt and all the unemployment…

Obama: Yeah, well, thanks for call-

Romney: And China. China’s a big problem.

Obama: Right. We’ve got a lot of work ahead-

Romney: And the wars. Don’t forget about the wars-

Obama: I get it, Mitt.

Romney: Sorry, couldn’t resist.

Obama: Don’t worry about it. Listen, before you go, I wanted to say I thought you put up a helluva fight.

Romney: Thanks. We had some good times, didn’t we? Like that time I bitch-slapped you during the first debate. That was awesome.

Obama: You know I’m going to have you audited, right?

Romney: I kind of expected you might. Good times. Good times. I’m sure not going to miss the campaigning – shaking all those hands, listening to all those pundits.

Obama: Amen to that, brother.

Romney: You know who’s a douche?

Obama: Ann Coulter?

Romney: Oh my God, totally! Huge douche! I’m glad we agree on something.

Obama: (laughs) Well, I gotta run, but thanks for the-

Romney: I’m sorry to do this, sir, but Paul Ryan is begging me to talk to you.

Obama: Seriously? Just tell him I don’t have time, I have a speech to give.

(muffled as phone is covered)

Romney: He wants me to ask you if you would ever play racquetball with him?

Obama: No way. Tell him I have a bum knee.

(covers phone)

Romney: Great, now he’s upset. (whispering) I swear that kid’s on the juice. Anyway, go give your speech. Lots of people waiting on you.

Obama: Not looking forward to it.

Romney: What are you going to tell them?

Obama: Hmmm, probably the same shit I told them four years ago.

Romney: Ha! Nice one, sir. Goodnight, Mister President.

Obama: Goodnight, Mitt.

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